Fuck You, Hansel
by I'm a Witch So Deal With It
Summary: I have legitimately no idea why this exists. I found it in my computer. Here you go. T for swearing and mild threats of bodily harm. Harry Potter is only briefly mentioned, so sorry 'bout that, but I didn't know where to put it.


**A/N: This is probably not going to amount to anything, but I found it on my computer and I liked it, so HERE. Have fun, or something. Yes.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing you may recognize is mine. Pretty much the only thing that's mine here is Juna and her lovely personality.**

**ON WITH THE STORY.**

I'm going to start this off with a bit of a downer.

Writing this story is probably the stupidest thing I have ever had the idea to do, and that's saying a lot. Like, a lot. Even stupider than that time I went with Hansel to that witch's house and ended up provoking her. Long story short, Gretl's been through an old lady's digestive system and Hansel tries to impale me with a candy cane every time I have the unfortunate luck of running into him.

Yeah, we're not that close anymore.

There was this boy. I know, cliche, you expected this, whatever. This boy had a name. I don't know his name, though he hasn't tried to take my first born son and I don't have a shitty dad willing to sell me to some greedy old man with a crown, so I don't think I have to worry about him bring Rumplestiltskin. I think. Anyway, c'mon, at least he wasn't called something old-school, Spanish Influenza style, like... Edward, or something.

That would suck. I'm sorry, Fairy-Vamps, that was a low blow to the ice balls. Would you like to some sparkles for that burn? How could sex with a rock be in any way enjoyable?

Okay, I'm done. Please don't sic Rosalie on me, she's terrifying.

I'm sorry.

...Moving on.

Writing this story is probably the stupidest thing I have ever had the idea to do. I wasn't kidding about Rosie-Posie up there. Here, she can actually kill me. This is definitely not as fun as fanfiction writers make it out to be.

I'm sure you're all thoroughly confused right now, so I'll be nice and put you out of your misery.

Wow, that came out way more murderously than I intended it to.

I'm not really sorry about that.

Awkwardly unintentional death threat aside, here's the rundown of my world. Prepare for a Fandom orgy, peasants.

Where I come from, "fictional characters"... Well, they're not really "fictional." Ever heard of Sherlock Holmes? Yeah, he found the Batcave when on a case in Gothem. Hannibal Lecter? He has dinner parties with the Volturi. He also ate Dolores Umbridge, which I still need to thank him for, the cannibalistic angel... Harry Potter? He travelled to Mordor a while back. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. What is the picture, you ask? My life is a tricked out, multi-fandom mess of a fanfiction, without the explicitly unrealistic sex scenes.

What a shame, I was so looking forward to those.

Oh, how rude, I've forgotten to introduce myself.

Who am I, you ask?

I'm your worst nightmare, I answer.

What, you ask?

Stop asking so many fucking questions and interrupting, and maybe I'd be able to tell you, I answer.

I'm Juna. No, not June. No, not Juana. Juna. Juna Black, of absolutely no relation to Sirius Black, and people should stop fucking asking. I dong understand your guys' obsession with him anyway. Sure, he was hot, but come on! He was killed by a curtain! Like twelve times! This time, he was strangled, but he'll be back in a month.

Anyway.

As you can see, unless you're blind and can't see, for which I am truly sorry, I don't have what one would call a "Sunny Personality." I, for one, totally disagree. I mean, the sun burns people and causes cancer. I've been reliably informed by my best friend that I do both of those things on an almost daily basis.

Thanks, Oliver.

Fuck you, Oliver.

Sigh.

Well, since I think you've had a thorough enough introduction, (I'm laughing at you), and you don't get a say in the matter, (ha, losers), I'm going to end this prologue hear.

Forth Wall? I think you'll find that there is none.


End file.
